Tyrese Gibson and Rev Run’s new book helps women find a “true” relationship.
R&B singer Tyrese Gibson, 34, and Run-D.M.C.’s Rev Run, 48, aka Joseph Simmons, are here with advice — for women — offering up what they call an “uncensored look” into the male mind. Yes, scary! The two friends spoke with USA TODAY’s Craig Wilson about their new book, Manology: Secrets of Your Man’s Mind Revealed (Touchstone, out Feb. 5), explaining how women can build a healthy relationship by weeding out the “cheaters, manipulators and pimps” from the good men out there.
Q: So, why should anyone, especially women, listen to you two?
Gibson: ’Cause we know what we’re talking about. We have good intentions putting this information out there, trying to protect them from making horrible decisions.
Run: People should read the book based on the fact I have a pretty stable marriage. You can watch it on the TV show (Run’s House, which ran on MTV from 2005-09).
Q: This looks like a follow-up to Steve Harvey’s advice book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. So much advice!
Gibson: It’s definitely in the spirit of Steve’s book, but ultimately, people will find that instead of just being about relationships between men and women, we’re talking to the men, too. That’s important.
Run: I think our book will impact people in a different way. It’s two voices, two opinions.
Q: How can a woman recognize a good man when she sees him? Are there signs?
Gibson: In general, whoever never harms you, you could use that as a template. But just because they go to church every Sunday doesn’t make them a good man. They’re a work in progress.
Run: I agree. Instincts have a lot to do with it. Go with your instincts. If a person shows who they are, believe them.
Q: As a single dad, you’re still looking to settle down, Tyrese. Is this a hands-on education for you? Are you looking at your own behavior here?
Gibson: I think the book will be helpful for men like me, as well as married men and men in transition. They might be fresh out of a relationship. They have to figure out what their next move is.
Q: Should a woman think she can “change” a man?
Gibson: That shouldn’t be your goal. No man wants to feel like a fixer-up project. If a woman has that intention, it should come from love. It shouldn’t be a charity case.
Run: I believe that a woman and a man can work with each other to reach a goal. But to go into it to see someone that needs help, I’m not sure you can change anyone. That’s God’s job.
Q: What should a woman do if she discovers her man has cheated? Leave? Forgive? Buy new shoes?
Gibson: I think it’s a heartache and everyone has a different threshold in responding to these moments. I have no general advice. Just don’t do anything crazy. Don’t own the cheat. You have no control over what a man is going to do.
Run: Again, I agree with Tyrese. You shouldn’t own the cheat. It’s not your fault. You can show him that you’re not happy with it. You can go to Mom’s house. You canleave.
Q: What do you think is the biggest mistake women make when it comes to dealing with men?
Gibson: I think we summed it up with that whole thing about control, trying to mold and shape a man. A lot of women are going into the relationship to mold him into what they want him to be.
Run: I would guess a man needs time alone. Women want you to do things with them. A man needs a man cave, and the woman needs to know that.
Q: Should she sleep with a guy on the first date?
Gibson: If the energy and vibe and the chemistry is right, if that’s what you feel like doing, you live it up.
Run: I believe a woman should definitely keep herself in a position of mystery and mystique. That’s if you want keep the dude.
Q: You talk about what men need in bed. And what might that be?
Gibson. You might want to stay away from that one for USA TODAY.
Run: Yes, let’s move on.
Q: Aren’t most women just after that big old ring?
Gibson: Because you’re 21 years old doesn’t make you a man, so because he can purchase a ring doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a husband. It’s the act of knowing. You can’t be what you don’t know. How can you be a husband when you were raised in a house where you had no role model?
Run: I think they want the ring because it’s fairy-tale-like. They want the wedding. They closed the deal. But it’s not like you win the championship when you get the ring. When you get the ring, the game has just begun.
Q: How can men and women start having honest dialogues?
Gibson: It’s one thing to want to hear the truth about whatever he’s saying or doing, but it’s another thing to make him comfortable to tell you the truth. Sometimes the woman doesn’t make the man comfortable to tell the truth.
Run: Honesty gets everything out of the way. Do you want to deal with the issue now, or later? I prefer to get it out of the way. Here’s the truth. You can pay the piper now or later.
Q: But can’t a good argument be a good thing in a relationship?
Gibson: Yes, but the thing is, based on your upbringing, it can go into a lot of different things. So many people are evil and negative, it takes the argument to another level. You want to convey but not attack your woman.
Run: I don’t know how much good a good argument does for anyone, but arguing in front of the kids, they get to learn that it’s healthy to show emotions in life. Yes, we get upset. But no, it doesn’t mean the end.
Q: Does any of this book’s advice work for gay couples?
Gibson: I think so. I think a lot of it would work for any kind of couple.
Run: I agree. The book is for everyone. There are no restrictions. Relationships are relationships. It’s a book about getting along.